Wednesday, December 7, 2011

He has such a great memory....


'E' had a few old Nintendo DS systems that have been sitting around, so I asked him if he still needed them. One by one, he told me what was wrong with each of them, then he went on to tell me when he got them....specifically. He said that he got the one to the left in Fall of 2006. The one in the middle....Spring of 2008. The one to the right....his birthday in 2010. He hesitated about giving me the go-ahead to throw away the broken game systems, so I asked him if he would like me to take a photo of them. E said yes, and looked at the photo I took with a big smile on his face. I smiled too because we have a little less clutter in the house. When E's happy, mommy is happy.   :)

Sunday, December 4, 2011

More chair shopping....

Since we still haven't found 'E' a chair for his bedroom, we were out-and-about looking again over the weekend. Here's a photo of E looking for the perfect comfy chair....


It was all video games and bubble gum at first. Then things got pretty boring as you can see here....


It looks like we'll be chair shopping again real soon when the troops are better-rested!

What's really important....


In the last few days I’ve been having what I would consider to be a breakthrough in how I view things in my life. A breakthrough for me anyway. Maybe everyone else is already “there.” I don’t really know. But, what I do know is that things seem to be going in the right direction for me. It’s about time!

I wholeheartedly believe that things happen for a reason. The people that come in-and-out of your life have a purpose. I believe that the pain that seems to go along with living is there to teach us to be grateful. I’ve come to realize that it’s what you take away from the things that happen in your life that allow you to grow. Hopefully you can learn from things that happen to you. I know that I have, most-certainly. The mistakes I’ve made have only enabled me to try harder and not continue to make the same mistakes over and over again. Some of us have gone in and out of credit card debt, have made not-so-smart choices in life, but it’s the lesson in the mistakes that can change us all for the better. Lately this has been so clear for me.

Although I’ve learned how to not make the same mistakes over and over again, I still get bogged down with so much trivial nonsense from time to time. I’ve wasted so much energy worrying about things that mean nothing. I recently watched a documentary called Miss Representation. I didn’t get to see the first 15 minutes or so, but it still made such a huge impact on me. I highly recommend that everyone watch it, especially all the young girls out there. The media paints this unattainable standard of women and often tricks us into thinking that there’s a certain way we’re all supposed to look. I grew up flipping through magazines with pictures of beautiful women with perfect faces, perfect bodies, and flawless skin. I’ve honestly wasted so much time worrying about how I look and wanting to live up to the media’s standard of the “perfect woman.” I’ve come to realize that all of the pressures  to look a certain way don’t mean anything. I guess I always knew this, but it didn’t change the fact that I fell for it. I would love to say I didn’t, but I did....I wanted to be as perfect as I could be. Sure, I still want to be healthy and fit, but I don’t need to be what a magazine or television commercial tells me to be so that they can sell me clothes or miracle creams that promise to take away every line on my face making me look 10 years younger. It’s all just a mirage.

The reality is that important things in life can’t be bought. They’re not possessions that’s for sure. It doesn’t matter what I have or don’t have; it’s the people in my life that count. I guess I’ve never really aspired to “keep up with the Jones’.” In all likelihood you wouldn’t even want to be the Jones’. There will generally always be people in your life who want you to think that they have it all; the perfect spouse or partner, the perfect house, perfect cars, and perfect kids with lots of possessions and dinners out. There are a lot of people like this that are in credit card debt and not honest about who they are to themselves, let alone to anyone else. What we see on the outside is often very different behind closed doors; I can guarantee you that. Our own house may be simple and small, but it’s definitely cozy, warm, and inviting. 

What’s really important aren’t material things at all. It’s the time we spend with each other. I would love to travel and take my children all over the world to see things that even I have yet to see. Although 'E' shuns any change in his routine or his environment, once we get going on a new adventure, even if it’s close to home, he seems to make the most of it. If we left it up to him, we’d probably never even get to leave our house! We always prepare E for new adventures by making a book of what will be happening each day on a vacation (although it’s been a while since we’ve had one!). Making E a trip book has always seemed to help him transition from one situation to another. Don’t get me wrong....we’re not gallivanting all over the world. I wish! We do what we can afford and we’re grateful for every opportunity. 

I can remember a cruise that my in-laws took us on when I graduated from college back in 2002. We were in Cozumel, Mexico sitting outside of a cafe around what I can only describe as a “town square” with a grassy area in the middle. There were several local children kicking a soccer ball and running every which way. Our son 'D,' who was eight at the time, began playing with the local children, kicking the soccer ball with them. Although D had some Spanish in elementary school, the kids weren’t verbally communicating. They were just laughing and playing with each other despite their differences. I loved that afternoon. It was magical and I will never forget it as long as I live.

So, what matters most to me is my family, being a good person, and taking the time to just “be” with my husband and my children. I take every breath for them and I take insurmountable joy in being where I am right now. I can honestly say that I’ve never been happier despite all of the ups and downs that go along with raising a child on the spectrum. It took me a long time to get to a place where I can let go of wanting things that don’t even matter. Please don’t think that I have it all figured out. Far from it! But the one thing I do know is that my family is the most important thing in my life.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

To blog or not to blog....


Before I even started this blog I had reservations. Did I really want to put our lives out there in a blog for everyone to see? I thought about my immediate family and about what level of privacy is expected by our household. Will they be "ok" with the things I post about them, or would the mere idea of my random posts cause them to shutter? So....I asked them what they all thought about it. Without hesitation, everyone agreed and I got the "official" go-ahead. I guess I needed their blessings before I started pouring my heart out. I knew deep down in my soul that I wanted to put it out there, but I needed to consider my family first. The reality is that this blog is helping me to get my thoughts and feelings out. Maybe that's selfish. Writing is just so incredibly cathartic. It is for me anyway. Besides, if what I write helps to educate NTs, or helps someone affected by ASDs to feel less alone, then it’s all worth every bit of effort. The reality is that all-in-all, we have nothing to hide. Imperfect or not, our lives are what they are....our lives. A good friend of mine uses the saying, “it is what it is.” That’s so fitting here. This is our normal....normal or not. 

So, my hope is that you all find common-ground here, and that you feel a connection to our experience that empowers you to forge on, even on days that you may not want to. We’ve probably all been there at one time or another. I know my husband and I have. It’s just a matter of making things work for your family despite anyone's "well-meaning" input. There isn’t a handbook for this stuff. Our family has been making it up as we go since 'E’s initial diagnosis when he was almost three years old. As a family, we often deal with the glances and the silent judgement (silent if we’re lucky!) regarding E’s behavior when we’re out-and-about. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever get used to that. While I realize that a stranger’s opinion doesn’t mean anything in the scheme of things, it’s still hard for me to let it go sometimes. Oftentimes I don’t. It’s my job as his mom to keep him save and sound, no matter what. I have to say that on more than one occasion I’ve resorted to telling someone that he’s Autistic in a not-so-nice tone, and then quickly asked them, “what’s your problem?” That generally shuts them down pretty quick. Maybe next time they’ll think before they’re so quick to pass judgement. That’s the thing with ASD kids, they don’t “look” any different than anyone else. People seem to assume that the child is just out-of-control due to bad parenting or lack of discipline. That’s my take on it anyway.

The reality is that I’m a work-in-progress with all of this stuff. E’s 15 years old now, and I still don’t have it figured out. He’s constantly evolving and changing right before my eyes, requiring me to change-up my responses and behaviors to help him fit into world that I can’t change for him, although I wish that I could. I truly hope that with continued education and advocacy by all of us in the Autism community, the world will accept my son and all he has to offer without criticism or judgement. As E’s mom, I can’t think of a better wish.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Trip to Ikea....

Today we went to Ikea to buy the kids new desk chairs. Their chairs broke a while back. Here’s a picture of 'E' testing one of the chairs.


He’s looking away from the camera. Pretty standard protocol really. I generally have to take an abundance of pictures to try and get one where he’s actually looking at me and not making a funny face. Oftentimes I end-up with a photo of a blur as he races by me. For taking photos of "moving targets" digital cameras great!

So....back to Ikea....after testing numerous chairs, we found one that met E's standards. It was cushy, soft, and had arm rests, which were all on E’s must-have list. The bad news....Ikea didn’t have the chair or the cover he wanted in stock. It didn’t help matters that the chair his brother picked-out was in the store, ready to go. No problem there. E actually took it pretty well. Although he was bummed that they didn’t have his chair, I think that he was so over being in Ikea (we were there for about two hours) that he was just ready to go. My guess is that just being able to leave the store (I was right there with him on that one) eased his disappointment. No meltdowns....no outbursts....no yelling at the salespeople that they “mocked him” or “teased him” by not having his chair "on purpose." We got away clean today. Whew! The bad news for me is that I’ll be out-and-about shopping for a chair for E again tomorrow while he enjoys his home-time. I guess the house cleaning and grocery shopping will have to wait. Oh darn.

Charlie Brown Thanksgiving....


I just wanted to post this photo of 'E' and Brad watching Charlie Brown Thanksgiving at my parent's house the evening of Thanksgiving. I've been reading all of the wonderful #youmightbeanautismparentif comments on Twitter. We literally watched the entire episode of Charlie Brown Thanksgiving at least five or six times. I'm sure if I asked E he would have an exact number. OK, I just asked him....without hesitation he said that we watched it five times total, but there were countless other views of the scene where Snoopy fights the beach chair. E loves that part so much that he acts it out along with the cartoon characters on TV. His performance is worthy of an Oscar nomination. Temple Grandin advocates that as parents we should help our ASD kids develop their natural obsessions/talents into careers. I may be blogging right now about a future movie star....or a video game designer....or a writer. Whatever his chosen career path may be, I’ll never forget the joy I had watching him act-out Charlie Brown Thanksgiving. I feel so truly so blessed to be E’s mom.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thankful.....

I’m thankful for so much. First, I’m thankful for my wonderful husband Brad, who grounds me in every way possible. Without him I don’t know if I could make it. He’s truly the nicest, most kind, patient, and loving person I’ve ever met. I can’t explain it, but we just work. I feel so lucky to have found my soul mate. We’ve been married for 25 years now, and it just keeps getting better and better. Brad’s the Ying to my Yang, and for him, I’m forever grateful.

I’m thankful for my wonderful children. I’m so fortunate to be their mom. They both amaze me on a daily basis. I find joy in watching them grow into these amazing human beings. I’m thankful when I see 'D' laughing with his friends. He’s growing into this wonderful man right before my eyes. I’m thankful when I get to watch 'E' line up his plush dolls in front of the television or next to him in his bed. I’m feel like I’m the luckiest mom in the world to have them in my life. I wouldn’t change a single, solitary, thing.

I’m thankful for my family....on both sides. They support us with unconditional love and we appreciate that more than they’ll ever know. I’m so grateful to have grown-up in a loving household. I’m fortunate that the news of E’s diagnosis wasn’t met with resistance. There was no denial that I can remember. Only support. I’m truly grateful for our parents never-ending generosity.When we needed help, they were always there....for that I am grateful. I hope that Brad and I can be as giving to our boys throughout their lives, as our parents have been to us.

I'm thankful for my friends....especially my friends that "get" it. The friends that understand are usually the ones that have a direct relationship with Autism, meaning they have an Autistic child themselves, or they know someone that does. My friends know that it's not that we don't want to do things with them on a spur of the moment (or not), it's that we can't. E needs a certain amount of "home time." Our family is generally unable to "go, go, go" like a lot of people we know. For the friends that understand that, I'm truly thankful for your support and understanding.

I’m thankful for my career. Things weren’t always easy for us. For some unknown reason I had this innate desire to graduate from college. Sure, I fluttered around with it after high school, but I had no clear vision of what I wanted to do the next day, let alone what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. I got married young and eventually went back to school in my thirty's. Even though we have student loan debt to repay, I would never have the job I have without the loans we needed to make it through. For my education and my job, I am truly grateful.

These are some of the things I’m thankful for. 

I hope everyone is having a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday.